When It Hurts So Bad

When it hurts so bad.

Being a female has many advantages. We get to adorn ourselves in many ways to look different. For example, we can wear certain clothes, shoes, jewelry and make up. We can polish our nails, gain or lose weight. And yes, we can even change our hair. Of the many things that we can do to adorn ourselves, two of those above mentioned have pain involved. Exercise and hair styling. Which one hurts the most? Well that is like choosing between the lesser of two evils. 

Hair styles are rad, cool, sexy, funky, conservative and they can be down right rebellious. A hair style can say a lot about a person before they even open their mouths. But the process of getting that hair style and the process of changing it as we see fit can be a tad bit daunting especially when you add texture to the hair styling process. 

What is it about textured hair that makes caring for it and styling it so dang on problematic and painful? Considering I take care of and style textured hair for a living, I have a clearer understanding of what the culprit is. In addition to working with textured hair,  I have a competitive advantage because I too have a head full of wavy Afro textured hair which adds to my knowing another level of understanding and credibility.  

The pain, headaches, oohs and ow's almost always comes from what I seriously think is the biggest culprit of them all. That one culprit is not knowing what kind of texture your hair is. I am always amazed by how  many people of color seriously believe that they all have kinky or and difficult hair. Why is that you ask again? Unfortunately, thanks to the people in marketing and those self appointed natural hair gurus for stereotyping an entire race of people. They have been very successful in doing this by duping masses of people into believing that race is somehow the determining factor to what kind of hair texture a person will have versus their genetics. There is something about the color of a person's skin that tricks even the most skilled into thinking that it is the skin color that determines what texture a person will have. That is not true. 

Natural hair and textured hair is not a Black thing.
It is a human thing.

For the life of me, I just do not understand how "natural" hair has become a "Black" thang. As if no other race of people have natural hair; not to mention textured hair. Why people? Why are so many people falling for this? In addition to stereotyping Black people, it is also the practices of hair care within certain races of  people that are passed down from generation to generation that I see as the problem to what makes caring for and styling hair difficult and painful. Often times these difficult and improper styling techniques are passed from culture to culture as well. When you put together generational practices and cultural practices; you end up with a brick wall of practices and techniques that are almost impossible to burst through. Again, why? It is simple; cultural practices trump. How? Because within those cultural practices are a level of respect and pride that people hold on to. Hence, self appointed hair gurus. People value the norms and practices of their family culture. Most of the people within that family structure have much respect for what has been, is being passed down or is introduced to them in hair care and hair styling. They want to pass it on. It becomes a "Black thing" simply because that person believes all Black people have the same issue. They will continue to pass on, share and practice improper hair care and hair styling techniques, even if it is wrong. 

They will do things like make YOUTUBE channels, create hair care products in their kitchen and sell it. They seriously believe most Black people have the same textured hair and are struggling with the same problems; even though they are not.  And most Black people will watch it because they want to believe it. The solutions are limited. The solutions are clumped together. Basically, they are sincerely looking for help.

As if women of color are the only people with "natural" hair. Really?

In my line of work, I use trichology (the study of scalp and hair) to help debunk that stereotype. I use trichology to tell people what they don't tell you at the hair salon. I also use trichology to help break the barrier to improper generational and cultural practices that lead to difficult and painful hair styling. As a matter of fact, hair styles are not even discussed until after we examine, determine and get a clear understanding of the individual's hair fabric (texture). I do not even consider race. It is the analyzing, the consulting and the customer's ability to recreate the care for and recreate the hairstyle that sets the tone for the salon experience. This process will eliminate what makes caring for and styling textured hair that hurts so bad. 

The cookie cutter approach to caring for and styling textured hair is causing millions of women to make poor choices about what to use on their hair and how to style it. The natural hair care movement is damaging textured hair in epidemic proportions. It is also the biggest rip off and the biggest contributor to this misnomer in hair. The branding and marketing of it all is preposterous. Again, the audacity to limit and depict "natural" to one race of people is racist. Folk need to leave their cultural practices at home, in the kitchen, in the chair and on the floor of their living room. They need to quit acting like they have been to Africa and is bringing back what all African people do to hair. Because all African people do not come from the same place in Africa doing the same thing to their hair. The mode of operandi via filtered images, social networking and outright overt cyber bullying to those who chemically alter their hair or use hair care products with synthetic ingredients reflects what an all time low certain people have stooped to make themselves feel and look important all because they don't like the hair that is on their head. And they do not know what to do with it. 

Stereotype, stereotype ad more stereotype. 

I have not made it a secret that I am not a fan of those images in magazines, books, social networks and any place else that depicts, advertise or promotes a school of thought that portrays that there are certain kinds of textured hair for guess who? Black people. Black women, to be exact. Then they had the nerve to come up with numbers and letters from A to D and 1 to 4 that they say the bulk of us are suppose to fit in. I ask who are "they?" And I say, "Really people?" What about Black men? As if they do not have challenges with their textured natural hair. What about the races of men who have textured hair? Do they not count too? This is not a black thang. Do you know how many Black people there are in America (not to mention the world) to deduce that many people of the same race to 4 numbers and 4 alphabets?  Damn can we at least get 26 images that represents hair textures? Although assigning each person a image along with a number to their own texture would be more like it. Don't suck your teeth, they give us all our own social security number, passwords and combination locks; surely they can do it for our hair! 

I mean, genetically and phenotypically (hmm, is that a word...lol) speaking, no two heads of hair are alike. It is impossible to categorize millions of black people with textured hair into 4 letters and 4 numbers. It is also ridiculous to exclude other races of people and sex who too have textured hair. I'm just saying... So stop with the shananigans already. Understand that regardless the letter or number there are too many people and another sex to conclude 4 common anything. I get that like clothing sizes, hair textures and types are nothing more than categories that are to simply designed to help us decide on what and what not to do or use on our hair. People, please understand that those categories are not absolutes. They are not even generalizations. Nothing in fashion is more interesting than to see a person who wears a size 14 successfully outfit herself into a size 10. It can be done, but I do not think that is best for the body type or the clothing itself. 

The clothing industry has done a magnificent job with categorizing a very large and extensive fashion industry to outfit everybody who wears clothes regardless of their cultural practice. They have done an excellent job at considering the varying races of people who wear clothes. They have also done a great job at developing a clothing size system to help people shop for what fits one's body size and type. The hair care industry has not. The hair care industry can not. Nor have they not put that much work into textured hair to do so.  I am just being honest. To sum this up, using something that is formulated for curly hair on kinky hair is not advisable. Just like wearing something that is a size 10 when you are a size 14. They are not nor will they ever be the same. Even if it reads, "For all hair types and same size fits all." 

Mariah Carey and "Dem Babies." Funny, their  hair
types are not depicted in hair types A - D and 1 - 4...ijs

While getting your own seamstress to measure and design everything you wear is a tad bit much for the average bear, the concept of specialty stores makes a big as well as make clothes shopping a lot easier for the masses.

Because hair care and hair styling is a lot more affordable and more accessible than a seamstress; customizing is more achievable and doable for all who are interested. So, now back to this hair styling what can you do when it hurts so bad?

First things first. As you can see from reading what I just typed, I urge you to ditch the cookie cutter approach and ditch three things. Hair care products, hair styling tools and hair styling practices that oozes: natural hair, black hair care, women of color hair care, ethnic hair care on the bottle or and advertising. Instead look for the words that have the language of texture (curly, kinky, wavy, straight or and Afro) and the results you want to see on your hair in the hair care products. 

Black & Sassy: lively, bold and full of spirit.
cheeky. What does that have to do
with hair? This company should just use
the words at the bottom.

When it hurts so bad, the language on the bottle will help you better than the image you see in advertisement and in commercials. For example, ouchless, tangle free, combs easy, softens hair and so on. Next, it is imperative that you actually see the words "for curly, wavy, kinky, straight, straight, Afro, coarse, fine. limp, color treated, chemically treated or thinning and balding on it." If not, please put it back. For the record, like soap; when a chemist formulates a product, he or she is formulating for textures, types (weak, medium and strong in strength) and the results you want to see. The chemist is not formulating for race and cultural practices, norms and beliefs. Dove soap is used to clean skin regardless of race or ethnicity or gender. The makers of Crest would never brand, market, advertise and promote that their toothpaste is for White people only. They would never put it down and ethnic aisle. So do not make purchases according to what is being branded and marketed based off of race, lifestyle and attitude. For example, "Black and Sassy," "Baby Don't Be Bald," "Co-Washing." Buyer beware. 

Next, when it hurts so bad consider the cost. Be sure that what you are purchasing fits your budget. Then be sure to use the right comb for your hair texture and hair type. If you have dense, thick or very long tresses; you will need a comb with longer teeth that are closer together. Do not use a WIDE TOOTH comb; it will pull your hair out and compromise your curls, kinks, waves and Afro. Using the wrong comb is the second leading cause to why it hurts so bad. It is also the biggest culprit to compromised, damaged, torn and broken tresses over a relaxer and hair color on any given Sunday. I would bet my last dollar on that. So any one promoting wide tooth combs and de-tangling tangled, knotted and matted hair from the ends are wrong. 

The wide tooth comb is why it hurts so
bad.

Lastly, credibility. Refrain from buying what is new or trending. That means the hair product is still in the testing phase. That means that you and your hair are a part of the testing group. Buy from reputable companies and individuals who you knofw who have been around and have put in the research. They have a vested interest in your unique hair type and hair goal. These hair care companies also have grown with the changes in hair care and hair styling. Companies, who I call the quiet giants. Companies like P2 by Philiip Pelusi and Eufora, have been on the market for over 30 years. Decca Plus and Phyto have been in the market for over 40 years. Those four companies have been formulating products using the finest ingredients coupled with the latest technology for all textures of hair to make hair care and hair styling easy and pain free. They do not care about your race. Those are a few of my favorites. But their are many more.

In closing, I have to steal a thought processes my sister concluded the other day while we were on the phone about self esteem, When it hurts so bad, consider this .... "For all the time, money, energy, sweat and tears you put into building yourself up; do not allow someone to tear it all down." Especially when all they are looking for is money, popularity and a "Like" on social network. Now that would truly hurt so bad.