How to Care for My Hair?

Girl bye...

I often hear that being a cosmetologist is similar to being a psychologist or therapist. Hmph, I beg to differ. Being a cosmetologist is more like being an audience member at a comedy show. While it is true that people do share some interesting problems to us, no problem they share compares to the funny stories they tell. The funny stories they tell about haircare ranks up there with the scene in "Blades of Glory" when Will Ferrell is explaining why use uses "Mane and Tail" shampoo and how he brushes his hair with his special brush 100 times each night...lol Go YouTube it!

In this blog ndogo, I will highlight some of the craziest things I have heard in the name of hair care.  

Love, peace and hair grease!

Understand that for many, cultural practices along with good old fashioned trial and error, plays a pivotal role in the humor of it all. The examples that I find humorous are no attempt to directly or indirectly offend anyone, any culture, any practice or any hair texture. So, read along. Maybe you will get a laugh too!

All right now, here we go!

Starting with the crazy over use of GREASE. OMG! When asked why? The response typically goes like this, "Ladosha, the reason I have so much grease in my hair is because I am trying to keep my hair from feeling so dry!" LOL, you can stop laughing or nodding now! Ok, seriously people, grease will never bring moisture to hair. Grease (of any and all makes) coats your hair. Grease is actually an anti-humectant. So, the more grease/mineral oil you use on your hair, the dryer, more brittle and gritty your hair will feel. How could this be, you ask? Because most greases are made from petroleum. Petroleum will NEVER attract moisture. It coats hair and skin. It sits on top and the toxic waste is absorbed into your skin making your body work hard to get rid of it. Even if you put a plastic cap on it! The minute you take that cap off and your hair or feet dries; both will feel dryer after a few hours. People, do not try this at home or any place else. Grease and synthetic oils are great conductors of heat (though they do burn off, just press the gas pedal on your car). It also adds sheen. If you want moist hair you will need to drink more water and use a product like Decca Plus' Satin Tame. It has ingredients in it to bind moisture, strengthen it, seal the cuticles to keep textured tress from tangling (yeah boyee) and keep hair feeling supple. It does not over soften to compromise texture. It does not coat hair making it feel wet or gooey.

Don't believe the hype.

Next up is the crazy CO-WASH hog wash. What the ham sammich is going on? There are so many hair stylists wondering how are people falling for this. Often when I observe the scalp of a new client during my scalp and hair analysis, I notice what looks like cottage cheese or yogurt on the scalp. When I ask what is going on with your hair? The typical response is, "Oh, Ladosha I went on YOUTUBE and learned about a better way to clean my hair.  It does not have any sulfates and all those other harsh ingredients. It's called co-washing" Ooooh kaaaaay. Again, what the ham sammich is this nonsense? "Listen honey, listen!" The detangling benefits of co-washing often over soften hair after extended use. Leaves a stinch on the hair liken to Peppy Le Pew. And a coating that only Dawn dishwashing liquid can remove. No shampoo on the market and cleanse the scalp and hair effectively of this kind of product. Co-washing your hair is the equivalent  of washing up with lotion. Enough said.

The next crazy attempt done in the name of hair care is the INVERSION METHOD. Yes, it is true that blood flow is essential to the health and growth of hair. You can increase blood flow to the scalp by way of massaging the scalp, brushing to stimulate the scalp, medication, stimulating essential oils (i.e. peppermint, camphor, tea true and the likes), and electric scalp massagers, infrared lights and now "thee" inversion method! The inversion method was accidentally discovered by the original medicine man, Hippocrates. He was using this technique for back problems and accidentally discovered that folks hair was growing. So basically, the name tells it all.  The Inversion Method requires that you hang upside down (hence inversion) or at a certain angle one lays to get the blood flow to the scalp. Anybody can do it, except people who have the following:

Upside down, hair you turn me (in my Diana Ross voice)!

• Low or High blood 
• Detached retina (duuude!)
• Ear infection
• Spinal injury
• Heart or circulatory problems
• Pregnacy (do they really need  warning...lol)
• Hernia
• Obesity (oh well, that excludes me...lol)
• Unhealed fractures or injuries
• Recent Stroke
• Migranes

In the infamous words of one zany crazy comedian, Judy Tenuta, 'It could happen!"

Read the ticker...water, oil/butters and a plastic cap
will not make hair grow.

Next, the crazy thing done in the name of hair care is the GHE a.k.a the Green House Effect for hair. It was created by Mika Lishauna. Again, the name says it all. This one here...SMH. Again, there are some of us hair stylists who just don't get it. I like the analogy of plant care to follicle care...but-ter-umm.  Ok, so in theory the concept is to mimic the effects of what a green house does for plants to hair. GHE instructs users to do 3 things. One, spritz hair with water until damp. Two, apply oil or butter (shea or coconut) to hair and three, cover hair with a plastic cap leaving it on overnight or as long as you can. In the morning style your hair in a non-heat hair style and at night place the cap back on your head to start all over again. According to my readings, the GHE technique was created "to increase blood flow that stimulates hair follicles and raises your hair growth rate." Now I don't know Mika and I most certainly do not know Monica of the "Curly Hair Lounge" blog that I got my quote from; but-er-ummmm. "blood flow" by no stretch of the imagination can NOT come from misting water onto hair, adding oils/butter and then placing a plastic cap on your head for as long as you can. To promote growth for hair all you need is a sound diet, water, bowel movements. And according to Mr. Charles Truss of Decca Plus hair care cleansing, nourishing and circulation will most definitely suffice. Second, humans are wired to only grow about 1/4 inch per month give or take a few millimeters. It ain't happenin' people. Not even with a time lapsed camera attached to your re-qrowth to capture the growth.

Another one, the "PROTECTIVE HAIRSTYLES" craze.  Did the Beetles just return to the US from Britain? LOL! This latest craze in hair care is sweeping the globe. Yet, I don't know about this one either. Back in the day in the day we use to just call them french braids, cornrows, plats, wigs or my favorite, "keep yo hands out yo hair!" As for protection, a hat will protect...lol 

Throwback Protective Style formerly known as BRAIDS!

At this point, I'm like Lawrence Fishbourne in"School Daze," Waaaaaaaake up! You can use any word you want. Anytime you stop yanking on it and being heavy handed or aggressive with your styling techniques you won't need protection. Just a new habit!

But wait, there's more. The crazy, zany over rated "NATURAL HAIR" movement. Oh lort! Do not sip tea or do a lap for Jesus! The Pink Panthers were a movement. Ditching your relaxer is not a movement. It is a choice. Listen my dear readers...If it grows from your scalp; it IS natural. For the record whenever, however and with whatever we apply to our hair and skin; we are indeed altering it. Hair is a living pliable fabric that you can do some pretty cool things to. But that does not mean it is any less natural if you alter it in any facet. And for all the licensed pros jumping on this cash cow train to the bank, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Customers are asking, "Shouldn't they have beein making the decision to improve my hair texture on their own with educations and training without the influence of the internet?" These women out here are not stupid. That is why many do not trust or do business with licensed professionals.

Y'all know about The Mack...lol

In conclusion, if you find yourself navigating to the latest trend or hype in hair care and growth, ask yourself, "Who's the mack?" Don't fall for the okey doke. Remember, it only takes 3 steps to promote growth and the health of hair. "Cleanse, nourish and circulation." I suggest you couple those three simple steps with the proper styling tools, caring hands and your natural hair is gonna be alright. While some hair textures and hair styles require more time than others...hey, it what it is; hair!